Sick, but not Sorry
When you isolate yourself, it can be easy to convince yourself you’re an island.
The transition between being sick as a child and being sick as an adult is harsh.
As a child, your mom gets you soup, you stay home from school and watch Maury do makeovers. The first time I was sick as an adult, I realized: I would have to buy my own Gatorade. I would have to make my own soup. When I came to that realization, I was no longer simply sick. I was also lonely.
Things are different now. I have a husband who buys Gatorade. But being ill as an adult can still be a lonely experience. As a child, you have no compunctions about sneezing all over your family, deriving comfort from them even as you infect them. As an adult, you know you need to stay away from everyone you love so they don’t get ill as well.
I got my first case of Covid last week and all these thoughts occurred to me. I was drowning in Gatorade. But I also felt lonely as I sweated it out (literally) in my bed. My husband was relegated to the couch for the foreseeable future. Our second wedding anniversary would be celebrated at a distance.
It was easy to feel lonely before I looked at my phone.
When I dragged myself from the delirium of my fever dreams, I saw a phone full of texts. I had so many loved ones reaching out—both expected and unexpected. My mom and dad texted, of course. But so did a few New York friends who I never expected to hear from. It was nice to hear from them. It was nice to be reminded I had friends beyond the four walls of my bedroom.
One of my friends sent me a Grubhub gift card featuring my own face. One of my friends sent me all her office’s gossip that week. (Sidenote: I love office gossip from offices I am not in.) Every local friend offered to be the one to bring me Gatorade.
When you isolate yourself, it can be easy to convince yourself you’re an island. And it is easy to isolate! Sometimes, you have to do so, like when you get Covid. And sometimes, you do so, perhaps, unconsciously, to reinforce your own loneliness. “I don’t have anyone who cares about me,” you can say to yourself, if you’re not bothering to see beyond your own nose.
But there are so many people who love and care for you. There are so many people who, if you reach out, will reach back. One of them will probably even buy you Gatorade. — Katie
Recommended Readings:
Staff Picks
Each week, our team will bring you recommendations that are relevant to the themes of friendship, relationships and connection. This week, we hear from our director of content, Britt!
Apple picking
I saw a TikTok a few months ago about the appeal of “suburban autumn.” And while my birthday occurs in the fall, I’ve never been a big fan of the season. It always reminded me of back-to-school as well as the end of the freedom and ease of warm weather. But I’ve had an urge over the last few years to lean more into the activities of autumn, including apple picking.
A few weeks ago, two of my friends and I traveled out past the far Western suburbs of the Chicagoland region to visit a farm and go apple picking at Kuiper’s Farm. And even as a woman in my 30s, the experience was quite delightful. I enjoyed the simpleness of the activity, the quiet of the land (despite a good number of other people around). But most importantly, I enjoyed getting time to spend with my friends that didn’t revolve around the normal, city-based activities of adulthood like drinking and partying. We could have long, rich conversations with each other and stay sober and then come home and get a good night of sleep. All in all, it was a lovely experience.
One night, during a bout of insomnia, I stayed up for a few hours just watching old videos of this TikTok creator. Specifically, I love the ones featuring him and his husband. The two like to visit casual chain restaurants like Chili’s and Cracker Barrel and detail what they’ve ordered. Each new video follows a similar structure, but the humor builds with their use of puns, dark anecdotes slipped into casual conversation and the outlandishness of some of the dishes. They’ve also been together for a long time, so there is a level of friendship and silliness that makes the videos especially enjoyable.
This Week’s Prompt:
Who always makes you feel included?
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