Happy Holidays
On the magic you can make during the holiday season
I used to dislike the holidays. My mom throws big, beautiful parties for Christmas. We have 40 people (big family) for dinner and another large group arrives for after-dinner desserts. As an attendee, it is a great party. But, as someone intensely involved in the process of getting the party ready, it is a lot of work. There’s a lot of 8 a.m. vacuuming.
As an adult, I don’t mind some holiday-related elbow grease. I’ve thrown a Friendsgiving or two, with all its preparation and execution. That being said, my Friendsgivings top out at eight attendees. My parties pale in comparison to my mother’s festive shindigs.
My husband made me fall in love all over again with the holidays. A few months into dating, we spent the holidays together. We started some lovely holiday traditions which we’ve expanded on over our seven years together.
We celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas. We’ve melded these holidays into something truly our own. We give each other eight gifts on Christmas. We watch It’s a Wonderful Life together (usually in a theater, during lockdown at a drive-in). We see a performance of The Christmas Carol put on by Los Angeles’ Independent Shakespeare Company. We eat latkes and every year we try (and fail) to make them ourselves. We buy a new ornament each year for the tree.
Holidays as a child come with their own magic. As a child, you don’t have to think about the finances or stress of holidays. The holidays appear before you fully realized, without much of your input or work.
But I find the holidays I’ve created as an adult to be so much more meaningful. My husband and I created our own traditions that reflect us. We made the decisions. We put in the work. And reaping the rewards of our holidays feels much sweeter as a result.
The holidays you celebrate as an adult are more complicated. You need to figure out if and how you visit family members. You need to navigate all the times relatives comment on your body. You need to deal with your aunt asking why you don’t have kids. If you have kids, you need to deal with that same aunt commenting on your parenting style.
But, as an adult, you also get the power of choice. I choose what my holidays look like. I choose to celebrate in the ways that make sense to me. I choose with whom I want to celebrate.
Holidays as an adult can be difficult. But, in the last decade, I’ve found the holidays to be more magical than ever. I’m the one creating the magic. I love creating new holiday traditions with my friends and family. I love that each year I add something new to my holiday celebrations.
The love I share with my family, friends and husband is clearer to me in the holiday season. I’m making the active choice to include each person in my holiday celebrations. And that choice makes the season so much more meaningful to me. — Katie
Recommended Readings:
Staff Picks
Each week, our team will bring you recommendations that are relevant to the themes of friendship, relationships and connection. This week, we hear from our copywriter, Katie!
“The Hidden Powers of Everyday Ritual”, The M.I.T. Press Reader
I really enjoyed this interview with scholar Bradd Shore about his new book The Hidden Powers of Ritual. The interview really cuts to the heart of ritual behavior and how we practice it in our own daily lives. It can feel hard to see how we create and maintain our own traditions. This quote from Shore really stuck with me: “Through our research, we learned that while families make rituals, it is equally true that our rituals make our families.”
“‘You can continue a conversation’: Letters to the dead arrive at this P.O. box in L.A.” by Rob Goyanes
The holidays are a time of joy, but also a time of grief. Many of us are thinking of our deceased relatives this time of year. I found this Los Angeles Times story on grief and how we express it especially compelling. Artist Janelle Ketcher has been collecting letters to the deceased out of a Los Angeles P.O. box for the last year. She is now showing those letters in a Los Angeles exhibit. Even if you can’t see the exhibition, the article is worth a read.
This Week’s Prompt:
Who always makes you feel welcome?